Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
