instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
dude. I can hear the air.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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