and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
