I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
