people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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