your room smells of hookers.
And success
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
