just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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