Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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