So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
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Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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