this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
