Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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