Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
