3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
