I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize