cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
