Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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