I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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