By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Randomize
