My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
