I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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