Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
