I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
