wat bout pragnant strippers??
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
