when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
