my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
