sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
