I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
