I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
