Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
