come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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