The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
