somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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