your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
