the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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