My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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