She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
