I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
