I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
