plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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