I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
