she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
