My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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