tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
