$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
