I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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