break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Oh god it's open bar.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
