I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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