He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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