I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Congratulations! We have a period
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