I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
