sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
