I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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