well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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