420 ftw
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
