Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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