sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
