My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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