bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Ketchup is God's man juice
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Randomize
