My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
