u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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