Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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