Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
