Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
